Hesitation and Trust

revised with the impartial assist of God
(Though God wants you know She/He/They had nothing to do with this last stanza)

I’ve gone through periods
where I felt I owed God
one offering or spiritual stake
Lately I’ve given thought
to what I can do
for God at this time

I was reminded again
of what God wants from me
God wants me to live
I could easily decline
in physical health, commanded
by my mental strained health
Though it is not too late
to stabilize my physical health,
to recover and have a chance at life

God’s second expectation, sternly from me
is to trust in Her or Him or Them
to step off the ledge of my discomfort
and trust God will catch me like a son
that is wanted and cared for, unexpectedly

God has even suggested, to my great anxiety
that I should force myself to socialize again
in that it seems an impossible expectation to follow
God wants me to be loved? but I do not see how
God wants me to trust love will find me again?
though I can’t imagine if that might happen
it seems clear God wants to plan something mighty
where I find I am in a structure of love and contentment
such miracles, I think, are only for a good self of mind
for those souls lost in the illusions of statehood and law

What I know is that I fear those who are like stalkers
and I do not want to be touched in any manner
and I do not have the money to “entertain”
not that there would be a point to such misaligned traditions
and I do not agree with the imparity of those U.S. customs
and I do not want to be a visiting doormat accompaniment
and I have no desire to get close to another’s heart
and I do not want to leave my home, or resting place
I do not suffer from loneliness that subjects me to such trouble