I am not a shadow of my own doubt

my subconscious has been putting it off
realizing just how old I will be very soon
what a terrible time to be alive
what a terrible time for this age barrier
I do not want to be here, at this age
I never wanted to be forced into the void
I was not given a choice to exist
it was never a fair opportunity
it did not help that I was not wanted
I was not prepared in any fashion
not nurtured or taught what to expect
there was never a silver lining for my life
this disability was far too expected
given my circumstance and disposition
though the God of no religion visited me
I do not feel comforted by such company
I resent the God of no religion
first for not intervening for justice
and if not, then for not ending my life
there was never a chance for me
I am not created to succeed
or able to compartmentalize life
there is no sanctioned space for me
if the God of no religion lets me die
then He/She/They will have shown mercy
for I am not a shadow of my own doubt
I know exactly what is real, and where I am
this barbaric culture will not ascend
not in my lifetime, or able to arrive soon
there is not a point in the linger of my existence
the God of no religion rarely shows mercy
please take my life, so that I may rest
and know what lies on the other side