Feels like for good this time

I can hear God say, “I am still here”
but my mind and body feel like that phase is over
like what passes for a normal feeling is set
like God left, and it is probably for the best
no one should have to be under the pressure
of the presence of God all around the clock
sometimes it feels like being at a job
and you are never allowed to clock out

define what proves I am still alive
when love letters and pacifiers
truncate the smoke inhalation
of the good and tried mountains
still in its embrace and crying
like a tiger without its hair
just one more move today
and my stomach will settle
my migraine will leave,
this disability will abate
perhaps just for today,
if I am so allowed
to run with the residents this time
how did I ever because an attending
in this fabricated dream of pearls
and disruptive dust of degrowth plans
feels like for good this time